Well today is week number 6 on bed rest. I have learned quite a bit. One thing that I think has made the most impact while being on bed rest is on my marriage. I spoke in my prior note about the effects of being on bed rest as a mom. . . This one is on my marriage.
Chuck and I have always been a couple who shares and talks. Communication is the most important thing in a marriage. We talk to each other about everything, even things that are scary, hurtful and worrisome.
Being on bed rest, has made Chuck not only have to do his duties but mine as well. It has been extremely hard for me to watch him have to pick up all the pieces. Not only household but with Jackson as well. There has also been added stress with the sickness of his father, and also our nephew, and him having a new job, he has so much going on and the only thing I can do is help from a couch...
That being said Chuck and I have made it a point to still have our little dates, we just have them from the couch. We will order our favorite pizza after the young one is in bed, and watch a movie that he had picked up for us, and then he will go and get us our favorite Ice cream treats.
Also from being on bed rest I have not been able to sleep in our bed or bedroom since I was 3 1/2 to 4 months pregnant. YES! A VERY long time. The couches in the living room have become our beds, and our bedroom. We have a sectional couch that is broken up into 2 parts. Chuck sleeps on one side of the room I am on the other, we look at it as being a slumber party every night. It makes it easier to bear, I laugh because the couches have actually become more comfortable then our bed has.
One thing we do, is Chuck will come over to my place (my side of the room) and we will lay next to one another and do crossword puzzles together. Sounds lame, but just being close and working on something together does wonders for us. We also sit there in the dark and just talk and giggle. I cry sometimes because my body is tired, hurts, aching from being in bed all day and just plain tired of being pregnant in general. My sweet husband is super comforting a reassuring.
Being on bed rest and pregnant also makes your mind do such crazy things. One because you don't have anywhere near the same interaction with others that you used to and let me tell you it has an extreme affect on the mind. Insecurities also flare up when you are pregnant. Now I am not a person who has ever been really insecure in who I am, not about who I am or my looks or what I stand for. This pregnancy has been especially hard on me, I have gained so much more weight this pregnancy because of having preeclampsia that my water retention is almost 20-25 pounds of yuck! Plus not being able to be very active, and not really have a reason to do my hair or make up, your self image can really plummet.
Then out of nowhere,I am not a super emotional person, but when I am pregnant look out from he stinkin' flood. All of a sudden there is this high and low roller coaster of emotions that creeps up on you out of nowhere and you can't control it and you cant tell whether your husband thinks that you are fat and gross. I seriously got to the point that I thought my emotion that I feel fat, unattractive and completely not worthy for his eyes to even look at me was absolutely true.
Now after feeling that way, I let myself go to a seriously crazy place, with my insecurities bubbling to the top, my mind started wondering, and I thought for sure in my mind that someone else would catch his eye, and it would be all down hill from there, this played in my mind over and over for almost 2 weeks. Then this past Friday, I could not take it. After having not slept hardly a wink the night before because of my head buzzing and going crazy, I did the only thing I knew and that was pour my heart out to my husband and cry and let out what I was feeling. . . I was greeted with the best response ever. He looked me in face a told me that he loves me so much more today than the day we got married, and that I am the mother of his children and am the only person he is in love with,and that he still thinks I am one cute momma. Those words that he spoke to me I could see the love in his eyes, I could hear it in his voice, he made everything bad completely melt away, and I could NOT thank him enough for that..Now,yes, there was much more said but I think that description will suffice.
Other things that have helped to make my bed rest much more manageable has been to write in my journal, do scripture studies, read, become a coupon queen, think think think and of course movies and music! Most of all, the support of my husband. Who reassures me that I am doing the most important job of all, and that is doing what I am told to relax and to make sure that Grayson and I healthy as can be. the most successful part to bed rest is to have a supportive spouse and to also have wonderful family and friends who love you and check on you, and are willing to serve you. Receiving the service has been the toughest....
I am one who loves, loves to give and help out and to have to have that done for me is a humbling experience. I think that is something that I needed to learn. Its okay to have people help you out. I look at their service now, now as I am burdening them, but as blessings from all of the service that I have done for others, and am also allowing those giving the service to receive all the blessings that the Lord has to pour out on them.
Well I am sure I will be writing again later.
Monday, April 26, 2010
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